We’ve been able to take vacation trips pretty regularly since about 2000. Over the years, we’ve collected various sayings that have stuck with us and have entered the lexicon of our everyday lives. Since we’re about to embark on another trip out west next month, I thought it would be good to rehearse some of these sayings.

“Show me things.”

For Carolyn and me, the art of vacation travel has been an exercise in adjusting expectations and adapting to preferences.

Very early in our marriage, we took a couple of different trips to see family. One to Swan’s Island, Maine, and one to southwest Florida. (For the record, now that we’re older, we no longer would consider any trip that involves seeing family as a “vacation.”) In those early trips, I underestimated Carolyn’s desire to sit and visit. The trip to Swan’s Island had us pretty sequestered on a remote island, where I mistakenly thought there was “nothing to do.” For the Florida trip, our first son was a baby, and I could have been more sensitive to his new mother’s need to rest.

So, early on, it became clear that I longed for “something to do,” and she longed for “rest and relaxation.” We each have come to adapt to the other; she’s learned the value of going and doing, and I’ve learned the value of sitting and resting.

This dynamic always left me with a smidgen of doubt whenever I would plan excursions. “Does she really want to do this?” “Would she rather just sit in the cabin and read?” She’s been a trouper, though, and has gone along for the ride, whether it’s going off-trail along the Yellowstone River or dirt-biking down Mammoth Mountain in California (more on that in a future post).

So, imagine my surprise, when one day in Wyoming, as we were preparing to head out for a drive in Yellowstone, I heard these inviting words:

“Show me things.”

Those three syllables were a trusting invitation. An expression of love and companionship. They said, “I like it when you plan stuff.”

As we’ve done various trips to multiple places, we’ve learned to adapt to one another. I’m not as gung-ho as I once was, and she’s become more adventurous. Each trip has its own balance. Three years ago, our last Wyoming trip was hampered somewhat by my seminary studies and a bad knee. So, only 3 days in 10 did I “show her things.” The next year, armed with a replacement knee, I had to be more meticulous in planning almost every day of a trip to the Canadian Rockies. Last year, our vacation came on the heels of a very extended, intense time for her at work, so almost every day we cocooned in the cabin.

That’s what makes for good vacations. It’s also what makes for a good marriage. Sensitivity and a willingness to adapt.

So, now we say that almost every time that we set out on an excursion. “Show me things.” It’s a reminder that we really do like to do things together. Guess I’ll keep showing her things.